The Emperor - Reversed

Nothing...That is all I felt as I drifted in the complete blackness that surrounded me. I honestly could not tell whether my eyes were opened or closed, whether I was standing, flat on my back or, just floating. I couldn't feel ANYTHING, and I didn't care. The pure void that surrounded me and saturated every fiber of my being immediately took away the pain that had so obviously sent me here, but it did not take away my thoughts. It did not take away the knowing of what caused the pain that I was trying to escape from.

The comfort of knowing I couldn't feel was quickly extinguished when three little words crept across my mind in bright pink letters, as if they were a part of a gaudy neon sign on the front of an adult themed store.

I Love You...

Crying. That is all I could do was cry. I couldn't hear my wailing, or feel the hot tears that I knew must have been running down my face, but I knew they were there. In my all too palpable anguish I screamed out in to the blackness,

"Goddess! Goddess! I know you are there, answer me!"

Seconds turned into minutes, minutes felt as if they were hours. Then, there was a light. A soft blue, no purple, no...the colors did not matter. They changed continuously, but got brighter and closer as they did. Finally, a form. Tall...curves...hair flowing. The ultimate representation of beauty even before I could see her face. I knew it was HER. I knew it was the Goddess. As she approached, all the emotions that had been silenced, all of the pain and anger that had been smothered was now flooding back in, causing my already raw nerves to scream in agony. Getting a grip on the fast approaching reality that was hitting me, I finally looked up to see HER standing before me. A smile on her face, but eyes filled with sadness and concern.

"You called me my child. And I am here. What troubles you?"

Was she serious?! Was she fucking serious?!! Biting my tongue hard and feeling a small rivulet of blood running down the back of my throat, I chose my words carefully.

"Why?"

"Why what?"

She was playing coy, and pissing me off even further. I could feel the flames that so quickly overtook me in Delia's shop starting to creep up from my center of power and snake their way through my body.

"Why bring him into my life if I couldn't have him?! Why make me suffer like this?! Why bring me my love, my twin flame, and allow us to have one moment of utter bliss, and then have it smashed before it could even be realized?! What have I done to deserve this? What did I personally do to you or this fucked up universe in order to deserve...THIS?!!"

I was breathing hard, chest hurting, eyes stinging from my salty tears, and barely able to keep my rage in check and manifesting before the Goddess. And then, she spoke.

"You have a choice. Just as everyone does in life. And so does he. You two chose not to express the instant love you felt for each other the first time you met. You continued to deny that there was something else there other than friendship. You two took on others to be your mates, when deep down you knew that you would not be happy with them in the long run. I gave you so many openings to see that you were meant for each other, but YOU chose to ignore it."

I felt like I had been chastised like a child. But to her I was a child. I was HER child. And this was a lesson that she felt I needed to learn on my own. It still did not change the fact that I felt disgust not only towards her, but also towards myself. The only thing I could do was stand there head hung in defeat. Then, SHE began to speak again.

"J- you are at a crossroads right now. YOU must choose which way you will go. All I can do is guide you, but ultimately the choice is yours and yours alone to make. Just as it is his. You also have to look at how both of your mates will fare if you choose to fight for him. Then the question becomes are you really ready to hurt your husband in such a way that he may never recover? Remember...Do what you will, as long as it harm none."

"Screw You!"

It came flying out of my mouth before my mind had enough rational thought to stop it.

"Screw you and your rule! You knew this was going to happen. You know EVERYTHING! You see EVERYTHING! YOU are THE GODDESS. THE ALL! You could have guided me, guided S- better so that we wouldn't have made these mistakes and been able to have been happy and been with each other. But because of your precious need to 'allow us free will,' I am with a man that I truly do not love, and he is with a sodding half fairy, half...what ever the fuck she is, bitch! He does not love her. He is miserable. Utterly miserable. And because you refuse to step in, he is resolving himself to be with her and suffer, than to make waves and try to fight to be with me."

Her silence was not that of anger, but of a mother in sympathetic agony as she watched her wounded child begin to break from the excruciating pain. I could take it no longer. I let my rage show. The flames burst forth, and I glowed like a sun. Taking two fiery steps closer to her, I let her know the extent of my disgust with her.

"You are nothing more than a spoiled child who plays with dolls and watches the scenarios of her characters crashing and burning over and over again. You didn't create me, create man because you were lonely and wanted unconditional love from us, and share YOUR love and knowledge with us. You did it to fill your own sick sadistic needs to light the match, throw it, and watch the complete devastation, then come running in like some bloody saving grace."

The words dripped from my mouth like venom, and it felt good.

"No more! I am through with your so called guidance, your rules, and furthermore...I am DONE with you. Burn in Hades, bitch!"

With those last words, she looked as if she had been slapped in the face. A tear rolled down her cheek, and all I could do was smile, turn and walk away.


I awoke back in Delia's shop surrounded by floor pillows, my head pounding, and a burning sensation snaking it's way around and down the upper portion of my right arm. I turned my head slightly to get readjusted and try to sit up, but felt dizzy and moaned while collapsing back down on the pillows.

"Don't try to sit up. Just lay there." I heard Delia say.

"How long have I been out?"

"About 3 hours. I was about to drag you to the hospital myself, but C- came running in when he saw all of the damage on the street. You had us scared, kiddo."

I looked around for my husband. "Where is he now?"

"Out front picking up the larger shards of glass and putting them in the dumpster the city brought by."

"Glass...? Dumpster? What happened?"

"YOU happened. Don't you remember anything before you blacked out?"

Unfortunately I did. Every single last bit of it. And the shadows of those emotions had not yet faded. I could feel the fabric of a silk pillow sizzling beneath my hand. And a sharp stabbing pain on my right arm.

"What the fuck?" Looking down at my arm, I saw new markings. A rams head, it's eyes aflame, nostrils flared, and thin snakes wrapped ever so intricately around my arm flanking either side of this majestic animal. I felt it's strength. It's power. And, I knew that I was going through a major change and the process would not be pretty.

"My Goddess..."

"Don't! Don't ever mention that sorry excuse of a mother, a deity to me ever again."

"What happened?" Delia asked as she quickly brought a water soaked towel to wrap around my hands, and remove her singed silk pillows before I completely destroyed them.

"Nothing. Nothing at all."

"But..."

"Leave it, Delia." The words echoed the menace that shone from my eyes. She winced in shock and slight fear, then backed away from the topic all together.

Taking a deep breath, I steadied myself, got up and walked to the front of the store. C- was coming around the corner of the shop front, saw me and came running to wrap his arms around me. With one quick flick of my hand I erected a wall of power to block him from approaching me. Both he and Delia looked puzzled. All I could say was, "not now." Then, while standing in the sunlight that was streaming in through the broken windows I whispered ancient words renewal, the air shimmered, and all the glass shards, pieces, and dust lifted from the floor and reassembled into their proper places. Happy with the results, I turned and stopped to see looks of wonderment and trepidation on their faces."

"What is wrong with you two now?"

They both said, "you eyes..."

"My eyes what?

Delia, swallowing hard continued, " Your eyes are nothing but fire."

The Ace of Cups (Reversed)

The silence was deafening. My stomach was turning into intricate knots while I waited for him to respond. I mentally reached out to him, but quickly pulled back thinking that I shouldn’t. But, just as quickly as I was withdrawing those mental tendrils within myself, I felt him reach back and latch onto me with the determination of a man whose life depended on it. I gasped, and felt the familiar sensation of pain course through my entire being. For once though, it wasn’t my pain…it was his. After about three minutes of this, I broke through the mental agony and spoke.

“I already know why you’re calling…”

His mental sigh was louder than what he had planned it to be. He released his grip on me. Then answered

“She’s been snooping. Going through my thoughts. Digging way too deep. But she wasn’t able to see what almost happened last night. That was a Goddess send.”

“She wasn’t able to see…why not? Did you cast a blocking spell before you slept?”

“No. I was too tired. What about you? Did things seem tense when you woke up this morning?”

Thinking back to everything that transpired while I was at home with my husband, I came to the conclusion that nothing seemed out of place. He acted no different towards me than what he usually did. He was completely oblivious.

“Everything was normal. We are supposed to be going out on a date today when he is done at the office.”

I felt S- wince to the word ‘date’. “Sorry…,” I whispered back. We sat there for a few more minutes letting our emotions flow freely. No words were needed to express what we were going through. We didn’t need to even see each other to know the hurt that was deeply etched across each of our faces.


“You don’t have to do this. There are ways around this…,” I said sounding like a child again.

I felt S- steel himself for what he was about to say, and then…nothing. His emotions were clipped. He had grown cold. I almost fainted from the force of the transition. I physically felt Delia wrap an arm around my shoulders, and push my locs out of my face with her other hand. Her warmth was comforting. I leaned in accepting the strength, the grounding, the support. I fought back the tears that were welling up in my eyes. He finally spoke.

“I can’t do this anymore. I can’t be with you.”

His words came through loud and clear, icy almost, but with a hurt that pulsed through every syllable he uttered. I didn’t know what to say, didn’t know how to respond. Every bit of who I was started to shatter at that moment. Every image of him…every memory I shared with him flashed before me, and then faded into nothing, as if it had never existed.

“No! You can’t take them from me,” I screamed over the phone.

His words were laced with a spell to erase my memories of him. I grabbed onto Delia and did something that any witch with a sense of ethics would never do, and that was to steal energy from another being . I worked my magick fast without hesitation and broke his spell, reversing any damage his might have caused, and I blocked him from my thoughts . I felt the last threads of him recoil as if he had been cut with a sharp hot blade. When all was said and done, I collapsed from the surge of energy I received from my friend. She was behind me panting heavily and none to happy. I would have to deal with her anger later. Right now I needed to finish this with S-.

“You want to be in pain? You want to have these memories of me, and know that nothing can be done to bring us together? I can’t let you suffer like that. I WON’T let you suffer like that.”

“It is not for you to decide, S-. It is not for you to decide how I walk my path. Just like I cannot and will not remove the imprint of myself that I have made upon you, YOU have NO right to do that to me."

What I said seemed to have sunk in with him. He became very quiet, then said, “I understand.”
We sat there in silence again…waiting…holding each other mentally, wishing that we could physically be in each other’s arms. I released my hold on him, and sighed.

“You know I am not going to give up on you. I am going to fight.”

“I know, but I can’t…I just can’t be with you. “

“You can, you are just letting you sense of obligation make you feel like you can’t.”

“J- we can’t see each other anymore…for anything.”

The “anything” stabbed through my heart, and I grabbed the edge of the table for a sense of stability. I started to open my mouth to tell him what I had felt since the first time I saw him all those years ago. What I felt the night before when we were about to join ourselves as one with the Goddess & God as witness. I opened my mouth tears flowing, heart pounding, and started to let the words flow,

“I lo…”

“Shit! She’s trying to enter my thoughts again. I’ve gotta go. I am sorry J-, I truly am.”

He was gone. That was it. I didn’t get a chance to tell him that I loved him. I needed him to KNOW that I LOVED HIM. But now, that chance was gone. I sat on the floor, sobbing, hurting, ripped apart internally, and then…and then…the anger welled up. The pain turned into the pure fire of rage and hate. And I felt it flow from my core out though my arms and my hands. I rose, set aflame by the power that flowed through me. I saw my reflection in Delia’s mirror portal into the Other World. My eyes glowed red, the flames that encircled the outline of my body licked at me gently but did not burn me. Each step I took closer to the mirror burned my foot prints into the floor. I stopped two feet from the portal saw the still flowing tears evaporate into steam on my burning cheeks.

“Oh My Goddess…J-!”

I turned to see Delia with hurt in her eyes as if she felt the shockwaves my pain was sending out to the space around me. I shook as the rage and heartache, built to its crescendo , and let out a scream that shook the foundations of the building, and broke every glass window and display case within my friend’s store, and in every shop front within a 3 block radius.

Then…I stopped. The flames extinguished. My vision blurring before the sweet embrace of darkness took me. The last thing I remembered before I relinquished myself to it, was Delia catching me in her arms and saying, “Sleep child, sleep.”

Three of Cups (Reversed)

I finished applying my makeup, grabbed my purse, keys, and coat, and headed out the door. I had exactly 3 hours this morning before meeting up with the hubby for our day together. Now was a good as time as any to go visit Delia, and get some much needed advice as well as rune reading.

Walking down the street, past the flower shops and the farmer's market, and one of the many magickal supply shops spread throughout the city, I finally arrived at my destination. Taking a deep breath, I grabbed the antique brass door handle and walked in.

Behind the counter, is a woman in her early 30's, waist length flame red hair pulled back into a braid. Tall, full figured, and the face of a seductress, and mother, and sage all rolled into one. She hands a bag to a customer, says "thank you and come again", then turns to see me standing by the set of shelves closest to the door.

"Hey girl! What's u....? Uh oh. Come here," she said while coming towards me, reaching over, locking the front door, and flipping the sign to be back in an hour.

Damn it, she was always too perceptive for my liking. I guess my aura was screaming heart ache and despair from all the way across the room. I have got to remember to work on checking my aura before meeting with her next time.

I walked over to Delia feeling as fragile as a broken egg shell that had been glued back together. I gingerly walked over to her trying to hold back the flood of tears that I knew were pushing against my lowered eyelids. But as soon as I got into her warm all encompassing embrace, I couldn't hold back any longer. I just let the tears come and fall where they may. She held me for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, the flow of pain stopped, and I was able to pull myself together enough to accept a tissue, blow my nose, and then run down everything that had happened.

"Hmmm...Well it seems to me that the union that was about to take place was being blessed by the God and the Goddess. You two were being protected from outside meddling. But, at the same time, you got a very poignant reminder that you two are bound to others. And resolving those issues needs to happen first before you can move forward with each other."

Once again, Delia's knack for hitting the nail on the head has helped me to recover a bit. But the question remained, why can't I have both?

"Because you can't have your cake and eat it too," she said while handing me my favorite, some cranberry Newtons.

"Will you stop doing that please?!!! I am feeling raw and broken, and invaded enough as it is. Your reading me isn't helping."

"Sorry girl, but you need some sense smacked into your noggin'. Anyway, what are you gonna do now?"

"I don't know. That is one of the reasons why I came to visit. I was hoping you would do a rune reading for me. Give me some clarity on the situation."

"And why can't you do a card reading for yourself, missy? You won't improve upon your skills if you don't put in the work," giving me that all too familiar mother knows best look.

"Well, if you haven't noticed," I said while standing up and brushing off my clothing. "...I am an emotional wreck right now and I need an objective reading. not one full of messy thoughts, and even messier emotions. So, you gonna do this or not?"

Delia got up looked me over, and tucked my tag back down into my shirt, looked at how much skin I was showing with my low cut jeans and my slightly cropped fitted T, and shook her head. "You already have enough men issues right now as it is, you trying to add more?"

Rolling my eyes, I ignored her jab at my appearance, and followed her to the back of the store. past old musty books, giant jars of herbs, and rafters of freshly dyed yarns and candles hanging to dry and cure. We arrived at the back room. This is where Delia kept her most important items, her altar, and most importantly a portable portal to the O.W. It sorta made me think of the children's story of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland...Stepping through that big looking glass.

Sitting down on a big fluffy but firm floor pillows in front of her altar, she lit a few candles, said a silent prayer, and turned to pick up and place a small wooden coffee table in between us.

"I'm sorry but I can't do a rune reading for you. I was doing one for some little fairy freak the other day, and half of my runes exploded."

"Wait! Exploded?! What the hell? You sure you weren't dealing with a dragon witch, they tend to short circuit magickal items because of their extreme affinity to the fire element."

Her look said she was sure, but she also looked very worried as well. "I personally took my runes to the Old Man to fix yesterday. He was shocked to say the least, but he said he could reconstitute the damaged runes, and clear and repair any damage to the ones that were still together in some semblance of one piece."

"Buuut?"

She stopped pulling out crystals and her cards, and sat down and looked at me. The worry that was on her face, had my inner warning bells screaming their alarm at full volume. She finally sat down, sighed, and lifted her head towards me, then spoke.

"This woman who came to see me. She was a half blood. But, she was not half fairy half human. I would be able to easily read the human part of her aura. The thing that was so disturbing is...is that her aura was part fairy, and part dragon."

"WHAT THE FUCK?!!! Are you sure? Is there any possibility that you could have read her wrong? I mean you may be an adept, but even the most practiced adepts can muddle things up every once in a while..."

She slammed her hands down on the table and looked at me very sternly. Goddess, I hated it when she did that. I did NOT need a second mother. "Look," sounding very exhausted. "...I know what I saw, and while I am not perfect, there was no mistaking the golden and red and orange flames that slithered and flicked off of her aura. She pulsed with power, J-. More power than I have ever felt from Fae or dragon alike. There was an air of danger about her. As soon as she left, I did an immediate cleansing of my entire shop. Every area she passed coming in and going out was sticky with remnants of that power. It wasn't good J-, it wasn't good at all."

All I could do was rock back on my heels and contemplate everything she had said. If this woman was what Delia believed her to be, this would be a major problem for not only the O.W., but also for the human world as well. My mind worked over time, and then a silent but urging voice within me said you know her.

"What are you thinking?, " she asked.

"Nothing. Nothing at all. Just thinking about what you said. I have no clues for you on this one. Do you think she will be coming back?"

Shuddering, Delia hugged herself and said, "Goddess, I hope not. My whole being was shook to the core over that lit bit of O.W. that walked in here. I cannot imagine how I would react if she came back."

Shaking off her obvious fear and worry, she got up and went over to her altar, picked up a smudge stick of white sage, lit it and cleansed herself from her feet to the top of her head. Then she walked over to me, pulled me up by one arm and repeated the same thing. "Can't be too careful," she said while placing the smudge stick on an abalone shell filled with black sand on the coffee table that she was about to do the card reading on.

Shuffling the cards several times over, eyes closed, she uttered a silent prayer that filled the room and spun around me like a Tibetan chant. When she finally stopped, eyes still closed, she cut the deck and randomly re-stacked it. Finally opening her eyes (and I never get used to this), they glowed a soft spring green, and her voice sounded hollow...here, there, everywhere all at once. She called out the cards that were laid upon the table.

"Ace of Wands...Queen of Cups reversed...Two of Cups reversed...Three of cups reversed...and...Three of wands."

She stopped closed her eyes, and re-opened them. No more glowing green light, just pretty leaf green eyes. Delia looked down at the cards, mulled over them a bit and then looked back up at me with a I'm so sorry face.

" Just tell me," I said in a small voice trying to hold back tears. "I'm a big girl and can handle it."

She took my hand in a reassuring manner. "It isn't as bad as you think, but...You will have to be strong, and know when to back off."

"Quit with the cryptic messages, and just lay it out for me."

"Ok," She said sitting back a bit and letting go of my hand. "S- loves you honey. He really does. But his emotions are quite messed up right now because he is trying to make it work with his wife, as well as deal with his feelings for you. He's afraid of breaking this marriage because he does not want anyone to get hurt."

"Kinda too late for that..."

"Let me finish. You need to back away. But knowing how you are, because when you love someone, you love them hard and it takes a lot for you to break those bonds. And, it is because of this that the choice is not being left up to you. His wife is going to break those bonds for him. The only thing you can do is step away and let things calm down. When he finally comes to terms with his feeling for you, he will let you know, but not before then. Hun, you just need to learn patience."

"But I love him, Delia." I sounded like a little kid who was just told they couldn't have their favorite toy. I know you do my sweetness, but he needs time. If you don't give him that time, you may lose him for good. As not only a love interest, but as a friend too. I'm not saying don't fight for him, I'm just saying step back let him fix things at home, and when the time is right for the two of you, you will know."

I unfolded my legs and plopped down harder than I had planned onto the floor cushion. The tears rolled down my cheeks, as everything Delia said played through my mind like some twisted M. Knight Shamelan movie. I inhaled, let the air out slowly and was about to get up to go, when my phone started buzzing. I dug through my over packed designer leather purse, and pulled out my BlackBerry...It was S-. I looked at the phone, looked at Delia, and said, "I can't do this."

She took my hand squeezed it and gave me the warmest smile I have ever seen and said, "Yes...yes you can. Just breathe and take it slowly."

I swallowed hard, wiped away my tears and answered. "Hello?..."

The Page of Swords (Reversed)

Waking up from what was originally a pleasant slumber, S- rolled over and buried his face into his pillow. Mentally cursing the interruption of what was going to be THE night that he finally let J- know how he felt about her all of these years. Turning on his side, he mulled over everything that had happened before they were both ripped away from Dreamtime. He smiled at how his love had finally tapped into her true power and was finally ready to open up to him in every way imaginable. The pleasant thoughts flowed through his mind relaxing him from the tense, irritated state he originally woke up in, until she walked into the room. He didn't even have to turn around. His heightened senses alerted him to her approaching presence long before she entered. The hair on the back of his neck bristled as her voice carried over to him from the doorway.

"Hun, don't forget that we have that thing with my mother today. Oh! And can we bring the dog? I know she is a pain...all that money on training, and it did absolutely nothing...but, I think she will enjoy her first Other-world experience. Do we have a harness for her, because I really don't think..."

S- gradually tuned out her too shrill voice. After 9 years of listening to it on a daily basis, he had finally had enough. He got up out of the bed, pulled on some boxers, excused himself and went down stairs leaving her, mouth agape at how he had basically dismissed her and what she obviously believed was important enough to disturb him that early in the morning. Jumping over the banister on the last set of stairs and landing perfectly on the marble floor without the slightest sound, he walked back towards the kitchen. Running his hand through his hair, he grabbed an apple from the fruit basket on the counter closest to the fridge.

He hopped up on the counter, letting his legs swing just a couple of inches above the floor while tossing the apple around in his hands. The apple...the fruit of knowledge, and also the fruit that caused the fall of one woman and one man that affected the rest of humanity. "Human myths are so odd," he thought. He looked at this simple fruit and was immediately taken to the scene of his best friend, the woman he truly wanted in his life, underneath him in her full glory glowing with the power and blessings of the Goddess, with ink black snakes wrapping the length of her body. The very image of it made him groan with longing. "Gotta shake it off," he said to himself.

"Gotta shake what off?"

S- froze feeling anger boiling up in him. "Damn," was the only word that crossed his mind before quickly pulling himself together and lowering himself to the floor. He opened the fridge door pretending to look for something to drink. His life mate, his wife (just the thought of the word made him grasp the door handle a little too hard) was overly connected to him psychically. Being half Fae or, fairy, gave his wife an advantage after they were bound together in matrimony, but he saw it as nothing more than a nuisance. Caelan was a half-born. Half Other-worlder & half human. Surprisingly, there were quite a few half-borns not only in the human world but in the world beyond the veil as well. All gifted in one way or another, and most knowing about their heritage and taught the ways of their magickal brethren. But, those who were not so lucky to have that love and support were left on their own to find out who and what they were, and most times becoming prey for more powerful magickal beings, as well as gifted and non-gifted humans alike.

Caelan was the product of a one night stand between her mother (who is full blooded Fae), and a gifted human male during a Beltane celebration in the O-W (Other-world, for short). She was born and raised there. No real knowledge about her father, but she was trained in many magickal arts by her mother's people. And her own gifts were honed to be a powerful weapon if needed.

S- met Caelan while chasing after some wood nymphs late one summer. He was somewhat attracted to her, but he knew it probably wouldn't go past the occasional fuck, before he got tired of her physically and moved on. Being of his world, she knew what he was, and was able to read him immediately. So she worked on her own offensive before he could initiate anything. Whispering a quick spell to calm his desire for physical contact with her, she was able to get past his initial layers and work deeper. As time went on, they became friends, then lovers. But he never really loved her. They stayed friends and when she made the move to the human world, she moved in with him. After that they stayed together. Years went by, and several heated conversations with her mother, and tearful pleading from her, he finally decided that it would be better to be bound to her than to leave her and possibly have her do something drastic like lead a dragon into the human world to torch a few places. After all, she was prone to tantrums, and magickal tantrums were nothing to be laughed at. Plus, he didn't want to hurt her. He felt as if he had wasted so many good years of her life (her Fae blood slowed her aging process, but she still aged faster than him). Years she could have used looking for someone else who would truly love her and give her the things that she wanted out of life. But the words that he used then, reverberated through his head now, "...she deserves better than that." He really needed to learn how to say no. If he had, he wouldn't be in what he feels to be a loveless marriage now.

Coming back to the present, S- felt the familiar tingling feeling of un-wanted probing in his thoughts. He slammed the fridge door whipped around on Caelan, and growled, "Get out of my head!"

"I wouldn't need to snoop if you would just talk to me...but then again you really don't have to talk. Your thoughts have been broadcasting loud and clear for months now. What I can't understand though, is how you were able to block me last night."

"You...," he stopped mid-sentence when he processed what she said. She was blocked? How the hell did that happen. He didn't do any spell work before he collapsed in the bed after getting home the night before. He was too tired to think straight much less do a psychic protection spell.

"What do you mean you were blocked?"

" Just what I said. I was blocked. I saw you going into some cottage in Dreamtime, and then when you walked inside everything went black, and I was shocked. Like a lightening bolt was being shot through my head."

Mentally, S- wanted to chuckle to himself that she couldn't see what was about to transpire between him and the woman he actually loved, but at the same time he wondered what had actually caused this protective barrier to be cast upon him. Also did J- experience the same thing. Finally calming down and looking at Caelan, "Well, I can't tell you, because I can't remember much of what I was doing in Dreamtime. And for future note, stay out of my head. Just because we are bound, does not mean you have the right to invade my privacy." As he was about to walk out the kitchen and go get washed and dressed to go see his fairy bitch mother, Caelan mentally poked at him.

" I know that you have feelings for her. You think about her all the time. You talk to her all the time. You send each other gifts, and you have secrets..."

She looked away as she mentally emphasized that last word. Walking towards the pantry to pull out the dog's food, she stopped and said over her shoulder, "if you ever really loved me, you will let her go. You will cut your friendship with her and anything else that may be going on. I love you. I married you because I loved you..." That was all she could say. She turned back to the big bag of dog food, with tears in her eyes. The only thing S- could do was watch her, before he finally let out a sigh of resignation and walked over to her, turned her around, kissed her forehead gently, and reassured her of his love for her. There was nothing else he could do. He didn't want to hurt her any more than what she already was. And even though he was fully in love with Jasmine, he took an oath, and was handfasted to this 5'2" woman who stood in front of him.

" I will talk to her this week and...," he choked on the words that were ripping him apart inside. "And I will end things."

He felt like he was going to black out. Fifteen plus years...gone just like that. He knew her long before he met Caelan. Grew to love her as not only a friend but as more. He was about to lose all of this just because he could not say no. Could not tell this petite woman that he did not love her, and that he would rather let her go and let them both have chances at true happiness than to stay in this stale, one-sided relationship. He let her go, and walked away feeling the weight of world on his shoulders for the very first time in his 200 years of life.

Caelan watched her broken husband walk away, and smiled to herself. "He is too damn easy for his own good, " she thought. "That human piece of trash will be out of our lives for good, even if I have to make it happen myself." She grinned even wider, as she pulled out her cell phone and called her sister. Giggling to herself while dialing the number, she mentally noted that she had a lot of work to do.

The Star (Reversed)

As my eyes closed and the darkness of sleep took me over, my unconscious was awakened. In my minds eye, I saw myself standing standing in a room filled with old world furniture and lush embroidered silks and the softest cotton. Candles behind various glass covers filled the room, and the scent of summer rain, a green spring meadow, and roses floated lightly through the air. I looked down and saw that I was bare foot, my legs and feet sparkled with gossamer thin threads of tiny sparkling jewels of dew drops that wound their way half way up my thighs and the same was on my hands and arms. My skirt (if you can actually call it that) was short...very short. Just an inch below my bum type of short. It was a sheer flesh toned little number that shimmered with flecks of gold and silver. "Oh my..." The slight breeze that flowed through the room from the open window caressed my arms and legs, and all those areas on my body which still bare.

My top half was just as skimpily clad. I was in a cropped halter of the same sheer fabric, but the very top portion lifted my breasts with such ease, I wondered how that was possible, since there was no wire in it like the bras that I wore daily in my normal life, that made me feel like I was strapped to a torture device. Circling my neck was a gold torc. The rams' heads that were guarding each end of it looked as if they were ready to battle with their ruby eyes aflame, and their horns lit with tiny diamonds spiraling down each one.

I turned and saw a floor length gilded mirror on one side of the room. I walked over to it afraid to see what I actually looked like. After years of being told that you were not beautiful, and being teased for being so skinny, and built like 12 year old boy...let's just say my self-esteem was below rock bottom. I slowly lifted my head and opened my eyes. Gasping, I was floored by the image before me. I...was...beautiful. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. My pixie length locs were adorned with a shimmering cream colored flower, my lips were a lovely shade of blush, my nails were a beautiful pale violet, and my otherwise plain brown eyes were alight by the same shade violet of eye color on my lids.

"You are a goddess." I heard the the familiar deep voice behind me say.

I slowly turned to face him. My face getting more flushed with each second that went by. He chuckled and took a step towards me and quickly closed the space between us. I clasped my hands like a child in front of me and refused to look at him, acutely aware of my nakedness. He shook his head, and took one hand to lift my chin.

"Look at me. Jasmine, look at me. You are beautiful. I see this in you. Everyone around you sees this in you, why can't you?"

"Because I'm not. And you..."

"Stop," he said with slight irritation. "You are. And you will realize it before this night is out."

He took my hand and led me back in front of the mirror. "Look. I said look." I obeyed his command and looked. I still couldn't believe what I was seeing. He lifted his hands toward my body, hesitating for a minute before placing them lightly on my exposed hips.

" You have a natural beauty that everyone notices. Not just on the on the outside, but on the inside as well. You glow, and you draw people into you without even realizing it. You have drawn me to you...and...I don't ever want to leave."

By this time, I had tears rolling down my face. He turned me, and kissed away each tear, and then lightly kissed my lips. It was sweet and tender. I finally looked up at him, and in a whisper uttered words in an arcane language, the air around us stirred ever so slightly and the image before me shifted and then faded. He was no longer in human form. He was in his true form. the form that the Goddess and God had blessed him with. All 6ft of him, Goddess! He was majestic. His body glowed, each muscle toned and chiseled like Michael Angelo's David. His stance was one of confidence and ease. And his...Oh! Blushing again I giggled and looked away. Lifting an eyebrow he seemed puzzled until he realized what I had noticed. He let out a deep full hearted laugh that boomed through the room. He grabbed me and pulled me into him.

"Don't get shy now, because you will become VERY familiar with that area of my body soon enough."

He lifted me up and carried me to the bed, and gently placed me down. Putting an arm on either side of me on the bed, he trapped me. My breath caught as as I felt the heat emanating from his body. His muscles tensed like an animal ready to pounce on it's prey. I dared not move. While I knew he was in control, I felt the animalistic nature in him boiling just below the surface. He was an image of beauty. If I were his goddess, he was my god. And my body ached to be trapped in the age old dance of creation with him.

I reached up, scared shitless of what was about to happen. I had never been with an other-world creature before. And going by the sheer size of the bulge that was straining against his pants, I knew I was about to get the shock of my life. Finally I touched his face. I leaned forward and kissed each cheek, and then playful I kissed the tip of his nose, and finally, I kissed his full lips. What was originally a gentle fearful kiss, quickly turned into one full of deep seeded passion. The restraints that had held me back for so long with him were gone. My arms went around his neck, and my legs snaked around his waist pulling him down to me with the greatest of ease. I internally called forth the goddess within to be with me this night as I joined with my god. A flash of light , and then darkness...the candles re-lit, and S- looked shocked, and in awe. I was puzzled at his expression, until I looked down. All of the jewels and barely there clothing I was originally wearing were gone. My body glowed just as his did, but, I had snakes...snake tattoos donned my body. From the sides of my neck, slithering down my breasts, wrapping around my hips, my thighs and calves until their heads stopped at my ankles. They undulated with each movement I made. "How...What..." I couldn't express the shock I was feeling, but an inner voice told me that this was my true inner power. My shakti. At this point I smiled filled with joy, looked at my waiting love, and growled at him. With the ease of a large cat, I flipped him on his back and sat on top of him, while I lowered my body to closer to him. I grinned form ear to ear, and said, "are YOU ready for this?"

Shocked by my confidence he playfully growled back in defiance and tried to get up, but with one finger, I forcefully pushed him back down. Lifting my hips up just enough to rip his pants off in one motion (mental note, I was gonna have to buy him another pair). OMGs! He was...just so...was he gonna fit? He laughed again, obviously hearing my thoughts. "Well," he said. "We can find out." He quickly grabbed my hips before I could protest and was just about to ram into me with all of his strength, when it happened. The previously invisible binding cords on my right hand tightened painfully, and lit up to a shiny bright gold, just as I was about to scream in pain I noticed the same happening to S-, but his cords were silver. Our mates were waking and the psychic bonds between us were doing so as well. I looked at him with tears in my eyes as I mouthed I'm sorry, before my body faded away.

I woke up with a start, frantically looking around for him, and only seeing my life mate next to me, stirring from his slumber. I quickly hopped out of bed and ran to the bathroom, turned on the shower, climbed in and slid down to the bottom of the tub sobbing. Trying very hard not to be heard over the shower and the bathroom's ventilation fan, I cried and cried, and cried until there was nothing left. I was feeling empty. Dead inside. And I didn't want to move. It wasn't until I heard him come in and start asking me what I wanted to do today after he got back from taking care of a small issue at his office, that I came back to reality and put my mask back on and said, "I don't know. Maybe we can go to Crystal Blue. I need some supplies. And then we can go get some lunch."

"Sounds good to me,"he said.

After I got out and dried off, I smiled and kissed him on the cheek, then closed the door behind me while he hopped into the shower. I walked back to the bed and plopped down, ready to curl back up into a ball under the covers and let the sweet bliss of sleep take me once again. But, just as I was pulling my legs up into the bed, I noticed something that had me stunned. One jet black snake diving head first into my ankle winding all the way up my leg then wrapping gently around my right hip. I broke down crying again realizing that my dream, was no dream. I had been connected with S-. We had found a refuge with each other. And the Goddess left me a reminder of my newly found power...and further more she left me a bit of hope. Something that I seemed to have been lacking all of these years.

Ten of Coins (Reversed)

The day went as it usually does...painfully slow. All I could do during the time I mindlessly did the stack of paperwork that had piled up on my desk since I first walked in that morning, was replay in my mind all of the events of the last few months. Everything seemed so simple. So clear. But it was far from that.







Being a gifted one, was not easy. Trying to balance a "normal" life while still trying to figure out my magickal one was not easy in the least bit. My abilities seemed to have had a mind of their own, and to add on top of that, my home life was falling apart. Or, I was allowing it to fall apart. I hadn't been happy in years, but I dragged along thinking that with time I would finally accept this existence and be content. But I wasn't...and I'm still not.







Since May, I had been in contact with an old friend. He was different, like me. But, he was far more. This friend (let's call him S-) was not exactly human. He was way older than me, but because of his immortal blood he looked no older than I do. Unfortunately the strife he was experiencing in his own extended existence was playing across his face, and causing his eyes to betray him and show his true age. S- is a satyr. A mythical creature shown throughout the centuries in artwork as being half beast and half human, but all animal because of it's strong sexual desires. What a lot of people don't realize is that while yes, satyrs have physical attributes that have a beast like quality to them, they look more human than anything else. Which is one reason why S- was able to do a simple glamour to hide the few attributes that would have set him apart in the human world. [*Side note: Satyrs are very handsome, and alluring. The only thing that would have given S- away as being not human were the two horns that protruded from the top of his forehead and curved ever so slightly upward and back, and the rather sharp but proportionate set of fangs on the top and bottom of his mouth. But those were two of the things I found oddly attractive about him.]







S- came to live in the human world over 50 years ago. Long before I was born. But we met one day on my first excursion between the veil of my world and the magickal one. He was in the open market just outside of a little town known for producing bloodlines of very powerful elemental witches. When I first saw him my breath caught in my throat. He was sooooo beautiful. Not like any other man I had ever seen before. His skin was the color of light caramel, his hair was curly and jet black, and his eyes were dark...darker than the blackest piece of onyx you could ever find. His body was perfectly toned and every movement he made, was like a choreographed piece as his muscles responded without hesitation. When he finally turned and looked at me (yes, I was gawking at him like a love sick teen-ager) a smile slid across his face with the greatest of ease and lit up everything around him with a warmth that I had never known. He was perfection. My vision of perfection. And I knew then that I had to meet him.







As I started walking towards him in a daze, I was yanked back to reality by my friend, Delia.

"Hey...J. It's time to go. J?"

I didn't hear her at first, I was still locked in a gaze with this dreamy creature I was so rudely being torn away from."

"J!" She shouted at me, and then pinched me for good measure.

"Ouch! What the hell was that for?", I said.



"We need to go, and you were perpetually stuck on stupid."







She finally looked over to see what had caught my attention, and smirked. "Girl, please. As if!






"But I want to meet him. he just seems soooo *sigh* lovely." Taking a step closer to the man who had had every fiber in my body vibrating.







"Snap out of it! Satyrs have the ability to attract who ever they want. It's what they do. And trust me little miss goody two-shoes, you are faaaaar from being ready to get caught up with one of them. Physically or otherwise. Now let's go. It's getting dark, and I would like to get to the veil portal before sunset, and those damn night fairies come out. Last time I got caught out here after dark, they took my stuff, and had me wandering into dragon territory...not fun AT ALL.






Sighing, I finally broke free from the gaze that had me ensnared for what seemed like an eternity. I felt a deep sadness wash over me as Delia took my hand and dragged me from the market. As we started to walk away, I thought to myself that I did not even get his name. But just as quickly as I was finishing the thought I heard a smooth deep voice circling around in my mind. "My name is S-. And don't worry. We will see each other soon, sweet-cheeks."







My mouth dropped open, and I turned just as we were about to walk out the gate. S- grinned, then winked at me, and walked away further into the maze of stalls that is the market.

--------------------------------------

S- was and still is my best friend. He has saved my tan behind on more than one occasion. And helped me to work through the pain of being being ridiculed and abused and tortured by my non-gifted, human brethren. And during all that time, I loved him. Loved him more deeply than I have ever loved anyone in my whole life. Unfortunately, because I was such a chicken shit, I never told him this. And I just let the years go by with this knowledge tightly locked away in my heart. He was a satyr. He could have any woman he wanted. Hell! He's fucked more nymphs, elves, fairy and dragon witches (when they were in their human like forms), and human women alike. What would make me so special that I could stand out from all the rest?

Shaking the thought out of my head, I went back to typing trying very hard not to think about the last time I saw him. It was enough to make me want to forever sever those magickal and emotional bonds that had me tied to the person I had chosen as my mate. That evening was intense. Too intense. Drinking Elven ale 'til the wee hours of the morning, and then having to catch a ride back through the Dawn Portal, to my home...Remind me to thank Delia for that one. [*Word of advice, never drink Elven ale on an empty stomach.]

We partied, and talked, and drank, and drank some more. All of our mental and emotional barriers were down, which for a gifted one, and especially a human witch who travels beyond the veil, is dangerous. We require greater concentration to control the vast amounts of power that flows through us more easily there. So being uninhibited and completely open like I was could have gotten me killed, or worse yet could have caused me to harm someone unintentionally. But, at that moment I didn't care. I felt free and alive. Something I had not felt in a very long time. And I absolutely loved it. In the midst of my revelry, I tripped and landed right into S-'s arms. He lifted me up as though I were as light as a feather. and placed me back on my feet.

Now, maybe it was the ale, or maybe it was the fact that he was just pure hotness from head to toe, but I swallowed all fear and reservations and finally gave into my feelings for him and...I kissed him. I...KISSED...HIM. It was soft, and warm, and slow. It felt like coming home. And I didn't want to ever leave. By the time we pulled pulled back from each other, the desire we were both feeling was causing sparks. No, LITERALLY sparks! They were red and orange and yellow like a candle flame jumping off and in between us with such heated electricity that the bar keep told us to take it outside so we wouldn't burn down his establishment. We both walked outside (I stumbled more than walked) and waited for a carriage to take us to the Dawn Portal. As we stood waiting, I leaned against him for balance and warmth, and took in his sweet earthy scent. Close to touching him again, a carriage finally arrived. We climbed in, and I stretched out across him and the seat. as the door closed and the carriage began moving, I started drifting into a much needed slumber. But I did not rest long. S- being more use to the other-worldly drinks was not as inebriated as I was even though he drank more than I did. I felt one of his hands start to slide under the light layers of my cotton dress, and the other grabbing a breast. I gasped in complete pleasure, as he worked me into a frenzy. Where my arm and head lay in his lap, I felt the evidence that he was needing relief as much as me. Just when it got to the point that neither one of us could take it anymore, the carriage approached the gate to the portal. S- let out a low guttural growl, removed his large warm hands, and smoothed out my clothing. After he hopped down and stuck the landing with no effort at all, he took my hand gently, and lifted me out and down, but making sure to let my body slide down his almost 6ft. frame before he let me go. [* That was sooooo not helping matters.] He paid and thanked the driver, who tipped his hat, and drove his carriage away.

Being too tired to speak, I mentally showed him where my home was. He touched three ancient runes that were on the gate and each one lit up in turn before the portal opened and we walked through. It was less than a second before we popped out on my front lawn. S- touched my cheek, and hesitated before pulling his hand away. He looked at me with those deep black eyes. So much want...no. So much NEED, was there in his eyes, but just as quickly as it had appeared, it was gone. Touching my mind, he spoke.

"I have to go..."

"This night ended too soon," I said.

" I know."

That was it. That was all he said before he turned and walked away. I stood at my door watching him until he was gone. Walking into my house, I felt the gravity of what I had done that night. I had let another take hold of my heart. To take up residence in my heart, my mind, and my spirit. I grabbed my right hand as I felt the invisible, but tightly wound magickal bonds that were placed on me and the man I had chosen as my mate. They writhed and tightened even further each time my heart and my body started to ache for S-'s touch again. I relaxed and cleared my minds of such thoughts. I did not want my psychic link to my mate to pick up on what I was feeling.

Stripping out of my clothes as I walked up the stairs, careful not to hit the squeaky spots on the floor as I crept into the bedroom, I climbed into bed and tried to sleep. Suddenly I felt arms and legs wrapped around me and a kiss on the back of my neck.

" Did you enjoy yourself tonight," he said.

"Yeah...but I drank way too much Elven ale."

Sleep finally came, but it was not dreamless.

0 - The Fool...

I got up this morning, and felt like my body was nothing but a block of lead. Everything that I had been through the past few weeks was still weighing heavy not only on my mind, but my heart as well. Arguments replayed in my mind, the lingering feeling of warm embraces skittered across my skin, and the silence...the silence is what was killing me the most. It was like a diamond coated drill bit tearing through the already bruised and tattered flesh that was my heart.

I sat up feeling unbalanced, and looking at my pillow knowing the bliss of sleep would wipe away the pain I was feeling at that moment, but I couldn't. Had too much to do. The clock with it's lime green lighting was showing me I was yet again going to be late for a job I truly cared nothing about. "But," I said to myself, "it helps to pay the bills, and I get health care coverage." So I slid out of bed and was about to walk to the bathroom, when my foot stubbed a small red cloth bag on the floor. I picked up the familiar little satchel and felt comforted from the feel of the thin flat pieces of card that slid around semi-loosely within.

Opening the bag, I let the cards slide into my waiting hand. The energy that slithered through them was faint, but I could definitely sense it. I made a mental note that I needed to charge them before the next full moon. Their energy should not have been that weak. Closing my eyes, I went within myself, tuned out the senseless banter of Al Roker and the rest of the Today Show team, quieted and centered my mind and spirit.

"Goddess, please help me see what I need to, and let all other thoughts and emotions not cloud my reading."

Opening my eyes, I shuffled the deck. Faster and faster my hands moved with a rhythm that mimicked my own heart beat. Finally, after I had an inner STOP sign come up, I stopped. And then I cut the deck three times, and re-stacked it in a blind fashion. Taking a deep breath, I pulled the card that was on the top of the deck. 0 - The Fool The very first card in any tarot deck. It notifies the reader of new beginnings/new journeys. A leap of faith. It hit home...hard. My mind wandered to the questions that a sister witch, a priestess asked me just two days prior. My response to her at that time was, "I don't know...I just don't know what I will choose." She then told me that I really needed to go through each question and answer it honestly , not for her, not for anyone else, but to answer the questions with complete honesty for myself. That is the only way that I would know what I truly wanted, and how to go about getting it.

I knew, at that point what I wanted. What I NEEDED. And that was a chance to be truly happy. No, to choose my own happiness. For so long I had been living for others. My family, the person I had bound myself to...Everything I did was to make them happy, or to give them what they wanted or needed at various moments, but not once had I done anything for myself. I needed this chance to choose my own happiness, and I knew with the appearance of this card in my reading, that today was the day that I would go about getting what I wanted.

Putting the cards back up in their bag, I thanked the Goddess, stripped out of my night shirt, and walked into the bathroom. Turning on the shower to my usual steam bath level, I climbed in, and let the hot water hit every inch of my body from my face, down my breasts to my stomach , and finally to my feet. I washed away the pain and anger that had been filling me for so long, I washed away the despair and tears that had been writing it's own story across my face. And when I stepped out, I was shiny, and new ready to take that first step towards my goal.

I was ready for my journey. I knew it was not going to be an easy one. I knew that I was going to have to face some really difficult moments before finally seeing the light, but I...WAS...READY. And THAT was all that mattered.